NOW HE'S FINALLY HERE PERFORMING FOR YOU, IF YOU KNOW THE WORDS YOU CAN JOIN IN TOO

[despairection]

[As the campers filter into the Mess Hall, things seem a little quiet. Quiet as a cliche, in fact -- there’s no way that silence can’t be ominous, especially given the near-omnipresence of music practically everywhere else. Though, as time ticks ever closer to the 8 o’clock mark, some muffled music can be heard in the distance…

And then… A CHALLENGER APPEARS, floating down on some weird glowy platform that disappears in a few seconds. The plush bear lands in an extremely cool manner and then strikes an authoritative stance as the music amps up.]

Teeen hut! When Coach Monobear speaks, you listen! Welcome to the Hope’s Peak Training Camp, where you bastards will be spending the next… oh, however long! You glowing gaggle of go-getters have been selected as the the cream of the crop, the top dogs in your respective fields! And that’s why you’ve been invited to participate in the most smashing tournament of all!



See… punches and punts are a little passe. There’s no art to it! No class! Nothing worth the ridiculous amount of money Hope’s Peak is pouring into this shindig, anyway! So this tournament’s gonna be a little different than your standard knockout-fest.

Instead of going through some elimination bracket or a round robin, you’ll be living a communal life in this camp! Like I said, we’re spending oodles of cash on this place, so you’re never gonna have to worry about the essentials -- actually, you’ll even be able to taste the culinary stylings of your ever-so-talented Coach!

...But you see, this still is a tournament, and this is definitely the biggest of the big leagues! See, if you want to become the champion oooor you just want this communal training life to end so you can go back to your normal life…

[SHINK go the claws, like some bizarre plushie Wolverine.]

...you’ve gotta murder another camper! Drowning, burning, poisonous smells, carving, shredding, shotgun shells! You might get points for creativity, but however you get the job done will work!

Now, any questions?

Comments

[fitnessenthusiast]

[Well. This is immediately all wrong.

Bears aren't allowed on the Island.]

Have you seen the Wuhu Island Resort Security Personnel?

[despairection]

I am the Security Personnel, toots! You'd better learn to recognize who's running this place, you know!

[green_mario]

To...tournament...?

[And then it hits him that he wants the "campers" here to murder each other..]

You're... you're joking! Th-there must-a be another reason why you brought us here!

[despairection]

Well, I thought about you gaze adoringly on my beautiful visage for the rest of eternity... but I figured that would get boring eventually.

[tsungeonsanddragons]

[Any questions... ANY QUESTIONS?! She has so many. But first, the important.]

...so you're saying this isn't a Fitness Center, but a tournament where we have to murder each other to win? Is this some kind of sick joke?

[despairection]

Of course not! I'm a beary serious individual, especially when it comes to such grizzly subjects!

...But I guess you do have the option of making this Fitness Center, if you want to spend the whole rest of your lives exercising.

[superstylishschism]

[A tournament? At first that didn't sound too bad. After all, auditions for the new Captain Blue movie had been held tournament style. It was rude to bring them here and sign them up without asking, but still sounded like it might be fun.

But then the murder part. Once upon a time, he might have pretended to be okay with that. But now he steps forward, eyes flaring bright behind his visor, and holds up a hand as his own claws extend like those of a human sized cat.]

I've got one: how many creativity points do we get for murdering the big bad instead?

[despairection]

Negative! In fact, if you look at your handy dandy Electronic Student Handbook, you'll see that attacking your Coach is very definitely against the rules!

[willpunchyouout]

[Well the range of emotions went up and down during the announcement. First than all: "What's that?" A freaking bear appeared and claimed to be the coach.

Then pride. Cream of the crop, eh?

Then annoyance. Punches aren't passe! That's his way of living, how dares he.

And finally simply shock. The reason they had been dragged into this place was to kill each other in a myriad of creative ways. Well he wasn't going to let that happen!

But before such determination arrived he had to be numb for a few hours]

You're kidding, right? I heard this wrong, right? Right?

[despairection]

Ehhh... I wonder how many times I'm going to have to answer that. It's times like this I wish I hadn't quit my job as a teacher so I could have a chalkboard handy...

[stabspeople]

[...What.]

That's what we've been brought here for?

Ridiculous.

[despairection]

Boy, we just ended up with a bunch of no-fun bores in this camp, didn't we? Should I have come up with some songs or made s'mores...?

[totaldrag]

[Well.

That's not exactly what she expected. But it makes enough sense. She sits there in contemplation for a moment, before letting out a very deadpan:]

Okay.

[despairection]

Sooo, do you have an idea, or do you need some pointers? I was thinking of putting some up anyway!

[theothersissel]

[He has absolutely no freakin' idea what is going on. First, he's alive, second, he's surrounded by a bunch of weirdos, and third, some stuffed bear is telling him to murder people.]

[...Man, this is WEIRD, and he knows weird.]

Uh...what happens if we don't murder each other? Besides staying in this place forever. I mean, you can't force us to kill someone else, right?

If you can't, that kind of defeats the purpose. I mean, most of these people look like they couldn't hurt a fly no matter how hard they try.

[despairection]

Well... I might have a few ideas if you decide to be really boring! But in theory, yes, you can stay here forever.

I mean, if you're a quitter.

[squidsisterpink]

[Murder?

Okay yeah, this bear has to be using some metaphor. Maybe he's talking about 'murdering' in the 'kick the snot out of your opponent really badly' kind of way. Except then he talks about all the different ways to murder someone, which definitely sound like actual murder.

...it doesn't hurt to try the other way though, right? The 'coach' didn't specify actual murder, despite listing many ways to do so. So maybe Callie can get out of this on a technicality.

Callie raises her hand.]

Heeeeey, Mr. Coach! I've got a question.

[despairection]

Shore, sis! Go ahead and shoot!

[sunflowerfields]

[Tournament? Fighting? Murder? Is she hearing this right? She can't be hearing this right. None of this makes sense. Hinawa slowly, meekly raises her hand.]

I... I'm sorry, there must be some mistake. I'm not any kind of fighter at all, I certainly am not cut out for any tournaments, and, to be honest, what you're suggesting sounds...

[Barbaric? Horrific? She's not even sure she can bring herself to acknowledge it at all.]

[despairection]

Well, you're still the best at what you do, right? Even among the greats, there still have to be a few underdogs!

Besides, I've done a few things to... even the playing field a little bit. Why, even you might be able to take down our demonic friend with no prior training!

[chaoscontrol]

[whaaaaat theeeee


well at least Shadow isn't the only short edgy cuddly animal around these parts anymore

he listens to the whole... spiel. Tournament. Money. Hope's Peak Academy. Murder.

He raises his hand, but doesn't wait to be called on. He's barely containing the rage inside as it is]

Question. When you say we have to murder other campers... do you count? [because he may be thinking about how hard and how accurately he can throw this coffee mug from this distance]

[despairection]

Coaches are not camp staff, you know! I've got infinite continues, so you could theoretically beat up on me all you want... but respawning is annoying, so if you do it, you're dead!

[lavenza]

[oh. oh so that's what this is.

the idea of a "murder game" doesn't really scare Elizabeth, so she is taking this all rather calmly and quietly.

though eventually she does speak]

...Pardon me, dear Coach.

I do have a question for you.

[despairection]

Go for it, attendant! What's your question?

[shslancer]

[For most of the speech, aside from giant talking toy bear what, Nephenee's not exactly 'all right' with it, but it's nothing too bad...

And then Monokuma announces that.

It actually takes her a few, well, despairingly long moments to process that information past the initial shock, but when she does...]

W-what?! Why!? T-there's no reason to kill folks inna tournament!

[despairection]

Aw, c'mon! I'm sure you bastards can find plenty of reasons!

[effectivefacekicking]

[Dark Pit listens to all this rather calmly... and once everyone is done freaking out.. he claps. That lazy sarcastic clap]

Wow. I'm actually impressed by how sad this whole thing is.

[Look when you live shoulder to shoulder with gods that can literally fry you for no reason, a random bear threatening his life isn't really that scary]

[despairection]

Hey! Try not to look so glum over there, angel face! We already got one Super High School Level Edge, and it ain't you!

[hopelessnecromantic]

...

[What.]

Yes I have a few questions! Are you the one in charge here? And can we cut it out with all the jokes already?! Seriously, it's really getting on my nerves! Especially since my army hasn't come to rescue me yet...
What's the REAL reason we're here?

[Yeah, he didn't take anything Monokuma said seriously, writing it off as another dumb joke like the "Super High School Level" titles. The main reason? What's the point of resurrecting him if you're just going to try and kill him again. That has to be the stupidest thing he's ever heard. Otherwise he'd believe the whole insane death-tournament thing, which yaknow, he figures would get people who are already alive.]

[despairection]

You might wanna dig some of that wax out of your ears, Blinky! I just told you!